Dating - Philosophy for Everyone

Dating - Philosophy for Everyone Progressing From The First Flirtatious Moment Of Eye Contact To The Selection Of A Mate, This Enlightening Book Offers Playful Philosophical Explorations Of The Dating Game For Anyone Who Has Dated, Is Dating, Or Intends To Date AgainOffers Amusing And Enlightening Philosophical Insights Into The Dating Game Helps Demystify Coupling In The St Century For Those Young Daters Just Entering The Fray, And Those Veterans Returning To The Game Features Contributions From A Wide Range Of Disciplines, Including Philosophy, Psychology, Communications, Theology, Economics, Health Sciences, Professional Ethics, And Engineering And Applied Sciences Opens With Carrie Jenkins Ground Breaking Essay, The Philosophy Of Flirting,first Published In The Philosopher S Magazine

Is a well-known author, some of his books are a fascination for readers like in the Dating - Philosophy for Everyone book, this is one of the most wanted Kristie Miller author readers around the world.

[Epub] ❧ Dating - Philosophy for Everyone  By Kristie Miller –
  • Paperback
  • 238 pages
  • Dating - Philosophy for Everyone
  • Kristie Miller
  • English
  • 05 February 2018
  • 9781444330229

10 thoughts on “Dating - Philosophy for Everyone

  1. says:

    individuals make two sorts of judgments 1 comparison level, which is a person s expectations for a given relationship, and 2 comparison level of alternatives, which refers to the value of rewards that could be obtained in a different relationship or in being alone Dating consumes resources It consumes emotional and financial resources, and it comes with what economists call opportunity costs Spending time with a romantic prospect means you re not spending time reading alone, playing video games alone, or spending time with other friends Is itworth the sacrifice Aristotle s remark that the friend is another yourself friends amplify what you care about they provide what you cannot get on your own andthey are a forum for cultivating virtue and achieving the rewards of companionship and mutual caring Good friends have a shared history of a shared life, and theydo not second guess their friends even in a complete friendship and, we believe, in the most rewarding of intimate romances , friends mutual commitment is and must be conditioned Otherwise their attachment is not to each other as persons and is not a part of a good life If nothing, in principle, could defeat the love, then the love is not a response to the person s inherent value as a dynamic being The love is not an expression of one s highest values It seems to be an attachment without reason and without regard to reason We have names for such devotions They are neuroses The philosopher Heraclitus observed 2,500 years ago the prevalence and significance of change and is known for the idea that everything changes but change itself He meant this to apply to reality and offered the claim in response to the observation that objects in nature e.g., trees, streams, people are constantly changing in that they are moving, aging, and or transitioning from one stage to another As Plato later pointed out, however, reality consists of than just such physical objects the purely conceptual can be just as real or even real, according to Plato as physical matter we find publications like The Rules that are harmful to women, we need to be vocal about why they don t work Following these critiques, we believe that dating philosophies like The Rules seriously influence women to stop thinking about what they as individuals actually want from romantic relationships and force them to live out their quest for love in a way that is conformist to the most oppressive of traditional gender norms The Rules indoctrinate women to believe that successful relationships cannot be equal The goal is not to find a man who wants to have a relationship with you, but a man that wants to be with this ultra feminine, doll like version of you Rules Girls are supposed to alter their appearance and personality in hope of getting married, not in hope of developing a relationship with a partner based on who she actually is There is one way to avoid the infinite regress and that s to be explicit at the very beginning Uncertainty grabs hold of us because we re trying to figure out what someone else is thinking by reading his or her behavior.If someone told you what he was thinking you wouldn t need to rely onanalogical reasoning to figure it out Tom could say to Meg, So, it s a date and she ll have the opportunity to clarify things then and there by saying yes or no Finally, this simple solution requires us to be willing to put everything on the table and risk the possibility of rejectionbefore the date has even happened There are two questions you d need answers for if you want to fairly precisely understand your dating maxims First, what, ultimately, do you aim to get out of dating Second, what are you prepared to do to get it We must train ourselves to recognize the patterns and processes inherent in the world and learn to live in harmony with them in short, we are to accord with the Dao Ultimately, we are to attain the openness and flexibility needed to deal with novel situations and vicissitudes of life while still staying in tunewith our natural tendencies and innate intuitions.positive phases Those among us who are shy, insecure, or socially awkward are often held back by limiting beliefs imposed by others and by the surrounding society Examples include thinking that you are not good enough just as you are and that to get people to like or accept you, you must first try to please or impress them that sex and sexual desire are dirty and evil things and subjects to be ashamed about and that you do not deserve nor do you have permission to date exceptionally desirable people Debilitating beliefs inculcated by society need to be overthrown to enable you to achieve flow in social interactions and to be truly your best self This is the purgative aspect The person who denies facticity fails to admit that circumstances exist that place obstacles in his or her path Such people will be prone to deceive others because they deceive or at least attempt to deceive themselves When human beings achieve freedom from fear, they enter the endless domain of art, playfulness, and creativity.As a result, the story goes, social interactions should be considered as a form of artand life itself should be seen as a huge game field By being rejected a number of times you not only come to feel less anxious when you realize that your fear was irrational you don t die when you are rejected by a couple of women , but you are also able to relate to, and have confidence in, what you are saying as if it was an integral part of yourself.

  2. says:

    This was a great book overall, but it did have one TERRIBLE article about matchmaking in which the guy opposes the concept of setting your male friends and family up on blind dates because it violates the evolutionarily natural way for a man to be, which is on the hunt for women Ughhhh No, stop I get that this is about philosophy, not psychology, but that doesn t mean you should mangle and distort science in the process.

  3. says:

    The last two essays were a lot meh than those that preceded it Especially identified with the conservative male essay, surprise surprise._________The desire to connect is the desire to jointly create a mutual reality that transcends our separate selves and even, in ecstatic moments, obliterate them But our only prayer at making these connections comes in holding onto our discrete identities.A set of necessary and sufficient conditions on flirting First, the flirter should act with the intention to do things which are disposed to raise flirter flirtee romance and or sex to salience for the flirtee, in a knowing yet playful manner.Second, he or she should believe that the flirtee can respond in some significant way.From a conservative position, however, some of those intentions are considered out of bounds For these men, all behaviour, including flirting, should have a clear and appropriate desired outcome In other words, true courtship is not encouraged quasi courtship, which lacks a sexual end goal, is okay There is also an explicit value in being sincere or honest Misrepresenting either oneself or one s desires is discouraged.Taken together, control undergirds all three of these common themes, yet each appears democratic in nature While the men ascribed value to being clear with one s own motives and intentions, this clarity is only achieved if rightly understood by one s partner.Likewise, the timing and appropriateness of flirting within courtship is mutually determined When using flirting to advance a relationship, partners need to make similar assessments too soon or too late for either party would be disastrous.Finally, as clearly evident from their views on reciprocity, flirting is like a good tennis match it s best when both sides play.And, just as in tennis, without a willing partner, it s not worth the effort I would say flirt with a purpose Like don t, as much fun as it absolutely can be, don t flirt for flirting sake Don t flirt just because it s fun and you get that rush Flirt with like, intentions or means in mind, like don t just waste it Flirt with someone you actually want to get to know First, there are instrumental friendships of utility or pleasure Such friends mutual commitment is not especially strong They care for each other as a function of what the other can provide These friendships can be valuable and rewarding, but what makes the friend valuable in such cases is something incidental to the friend as a person.But the friendship would only be a function of how well the person fulfils other goals we have We are not committed to the other person for who she is, but for what she provides us Other persons could just as readily provide what we get from her If circumstances change, we would readily withdraw our affections and commitment without any great disruption to our self image or view of the world.By contrast, in complete friendships persons care for one another for who they are, and are committed to them as ends in themselves In complete friendships the friends do not merely take an interest in each other s affairs as a means of achieving pleasure or utility 14 No doubt, good friends are sources of pleasure and utility But in complete friendships one wishes a friend well and promotes his or her well being not merely as a means to some end, but as an end in itself One takes an interest in the friend for whom he or she is and not for what he or she can provide One wishes the friend well for her own sake In complete friendships one takes the friend s well being as part of one s own This is part of what explains Aristotle s remark that the friend is another yourself friends amplify what you care about they provide what you cannot get on your own and they are a forum for cultivating virtue and achieving the rewards of companionship and mutual caring And so, as Aristotle points out, friendship of the complete sort is among the greatest goods in the good life Complete friends treat one another with a respect and spontaneous affection that is mutually enriching We want friends like that in our lives and we want to be such friends This is the highest and most rewarding form of romantic attachment we treat our lovers as ends in themselves whose interests we regard as worth promoting as ends in themselves Our lovers are other selves in that we include their welfare in assessments of our own What is good for your lover, other things being equal, is good for you Lovers who are complete friends genuinely think that way Their well being is part of what constitutes one s own well being.If nothing, in principle, could defeat the love, then the love is not a response to the person s inherent value as a dynamic being The love is not an expression of one s highest values It seems to be an attachment without reason and without regard to reason We have names for such devotions They are neurosesThat commitment, conviction, and attachment are not undermined by the fact that one is disposed to end the relationship or reconsider its terms on discovery of some unsavoury character traits.The operational definition of dating the process of exploring, investigating, and gauging the possibility of eventually reaching commitment with another person.The dating as an elevator ride analogy Gravity is a factor in dating regardless of direction When going up, the ascent on the elevator must overcome natural gravitational forces When the elevator is holding steady, the downward pull of gravity must be exactly countered so as to keep the elevator steady, and as noted above this is difficult and generates a strong sense of awkwardness When going down a floor, gravity can be difficult if not impossible to manage and may well result in a full trip all the way down In many cases the descent stops only when the first floor is reached At the end of a relationship the trip down will be short and uneventful when the ride has been brief For those rides that have been extensive and have involved significant heights of commitment, the descent is precarious It may be smooth but it may be quite turbulent, perhaps even to the point of bringing on nausea it may be slow but likely will be fast, thus risking a crash and burn that can result in significant emotional injury and scarring, perhaps to the point of making it psychologically difficult to enter the elevator again in the near future.In short, her happiness generates his happiness because he is fully committed to her goals and in essence adopts them as his own This is a core aspect of true friendship.Sometimes there is talk in both scholarly circles and in the population generally of balancing friendship and romantic dating against each other, as if they were mutually exclusive and cannot occupy the same moments in time We reject this The strategy of clear communication is especially beneficial in this context occasional discussion in the elevator of romantic feelings for each other can occur even while the basic aspects of friendship are taking place.Indeed, they can reinforce each other Irene says to Jason, I really like you and want you to go away with your friends for the weekend if that will make you happy If it will help, I ll feed your cat while you re gone I ll miss you, because I love spending time with you, but maybe we can get together for a date next week after you return Such an approach reinforces and strengthens the friendship while at the same time emphasising romantic feelings and the desire to date and be together The two do not compete they are mutually reinforcing, not mutually exclusive Of course, the motivation for action is crucial One who makes offers to help his friend dating partner but requires compensation or payback is not acting in accordance with the deep sense of friendship we are describing.In these cases, Lloyd, Gib, and Andy are acting like boundaries don t exist, in the hope that the boundaries will cease to exist They re acting as if they re in a closer relationship in which those boundaries don t exist e.g , Lloyd would be welcome to show up unannounced if Diane were his girlfriend because they hope this will forge the closer relationship In other words, they re faking it till they make it faking a closer relationship without boundaries in order to make this closer relationship.Prospective boundary violation ignoring or violating an interpersonal boundary that doesn t exist in a closer relationship, in order to establish that closer relationship What makes the boundary violation appropriate in these cases is that it s meant to establish a closer relationship.By treating her in ways characteristic of a closer relationship, you ve created a test for yourself a test of whether or not you re worthy of a closer relationship Depending on how you treat her, you prove yourself worthy or unworthy of being close to.Rather, he figures out how to push the limits in a way that doesn t harm her Rule 1 and doesn t push the limits too much too fast Rule 2.Also, he s genuine about wanting to have a relationship with her Rule 3 , and he s perceptive enough to realise that he has a real shot Rule 4 In fact, both men and women can take advantage of each other when dating rules are manipulated The Rules is just the most extreme example of the uncritical and manipulative actions we all engage in when dating In fact, if you disagree with The Rules, you should disagree with most social conventions surrounding dates We are left concluding that we should all be critical about the social expectations in relationships and dating for instance, who pays, what gifts we give and receive, and what money means if we want to avoid uncomfortable parallels between our dating selves, sex work, and gold digging.Human beings not just guys have a tendency to flourish when they make it a habit of fulfilling their most significant ends on their own Insofar as matchmaking stands in the way of this, it is unnatural, unhelpful, and unwarranted.It s perfectly acceptable, if not recommended, if not obligatory, to assist our friends and family members in their own attempts at achieving happiness It s best, however, that we do so without butting in, without intruding At least for guys, in our quest for eudaimonia, as well as our quest for love, we have to do certain things on our own.A moment s reflection upon how we typically use the term nice is illuminating The expression is a placeholder, used when we can think of nothing better to say about a person The nice guy, like parsley, is noticed only in his absence To call someone nice is to imply that he lacks any particular distinction A nice person is neither witty nor especially charming While a nice person is probably not offensively stupid, it is also unlikely that he possesses any great intellectual merit We would not describe Ludwig Wittgenstein, Bertrand Russell, or Martin Heidegger as nice The nice guy s problems run deeper As the psychologist Robert Glover suggests in his book No More Mr Nice Guy, the term nice ought to be uttered in a heavily ironic tone of voice 5 The nice guy s niceness is an artifice, an attempt to obtain what he wants but lacks the insight or the cojones to ask for directlyCircumspection being unwilling to take risks when generalising about people is the mark of an educated mind.The renowned women s intuition can thus be understood less in terms of some mythical communion with a higher reality and in terms of a heightened sensitivity to those cues, verbal and non verbal, which demonstrate or, precisely, reveal character The nice guy recognises this and most of his actions are intended to demonstrate that he presents no threat whatsoever For that reason, he emphasises his soft and sensitive side He pays lots of compliments He seldom volunteers his opinion and when he finds that it conflicts with hers, he will gladly modify it, even in matters of great seriousness The effect is at best soporific and at worst emetic.Aristotle frequently describes the magnanimous man as imperturbable Thus, while he may take pleasure in his achievements and conquests, he should not allow himself to be misled by them He should regard them as fitting acknowledgements of the status he knows himself to merit.A real date involves two people getting together in order to see whether they want to do it again.Finally, this simple solution requires us to be willing to put everything on the table and risk the possibility of rejection before the date has even happened My own experiences lead me to infer that many people would rather delay the possibility of rejection for as long as they can and therefore would not use the d word when arranging an outing with someone they are interested in.The Friend Zone is located in the fuzzy area where the shared intention to date meets the shared intention to get to know someone Spend too much time in that fuzzy area without sending out clear signals and you ll never leave the Friend Zone This can happen because the other party has decided to suppress their romantic interest since you seem uninterested for fear of ruining a good relationship with the awkwardness of dating because the other person might have started a relationship with someone else since your weren t available or simply because you have unwittingly made yourself into someone that it would be gross to date a kind of social incest.It s a mistake to think of the Friend Zone as a trap one falls into 8 Any strong romantic relationship is a form of friendship and one has to build the friendship up early on if one expects to have the kind of committed relationship that is the end goal of dating People pass through the Friend Zone on the way to dating and Some people have trouble getting from the friend part to the dating part, but that is by no means the end of the story.Aristotle 384 322 BCE in the Nicomachean Ethics, Book VIII, describes true friendship as wishing the good for each other.On the theory of untutored spontaneity, exponents of which include the text of the Dao De Jing, one seeks ways to identify and eliminate impediments that were artificially imposed and blocking the free flow of one s natural standing tendencies In the case of cultivated spontaneity, advocated in early Confucian texts such as the Xunzi, there are no such desirable natural tendencies to set free One of the primary goals in developing cultivated spontaneity is to acquire the right kind of standing dispositionsCommunication, even profoundly meaningful communication, is not the same as meeting And, as we all know, meetings especially oft dreaded business meetings are not necessarily experiences laden with deep significance At least two features that distinguish the common virtual meeting from meeting in person are the temporal vagueness and fragmentariness of the former It can be argued that the current state of Internet technology favors those with high level communication skills Rufus Griscom notes, At this point in their short history, online personals are long on wit and charm, the breeding ground for a reinvigorated epistolary tradition.Most of us who have found our soulmates relied on the randomness of the bar scene or the party circuit or life in general This serendipity is culturally important we have a collective investment in the idea that love is a chance event, and often it is But serendipity is the hallmark of inefficient markets, and the marketplace of love, like it or not, is becoming efficient 12 The serendipity of love is important, among other things, because it affords us the illusion of uniqueness If our love relationships are serendipitous, then they are spontaneous and therefore improbably break free of the conditions that otherwise deterministically condition our lives They are special and meaningful as islands of blissful freedom in a sea of mundane, mechanically ordered eventsIt is not the case that women don t have active seduction strategies in their repertoire it is just that passive seduction makes sense strategically most of the time Since the social skills women like in men are the very same skills that actually allow men to seduce women, why not just wait If he doesn t manage to seduce me, he just doesn t have the skills I am searching for in a man.Unsurprisingly, this strategy fails as soon as one wants to attract very high value men, who have no reason to seduce you because they have so many options

  4. says:

    The principles of philosophy applied to an area where perhaps we need the most guidance While the essays collected here won t teach you to be less self conscious, they will certainly convince you of a dating attitude that is healthy than the other self help approaches out there After all, to borrow words from one of the essays, who wouldn t want to have Aristotle as my wing man.

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